I want to be Tiger Woods

Latest Golf tournament involving Tiger Woods

Friday Evening - after 36 holes: Tiger Woods - Shoots a 71, to end the day on -2, SEVEN shots behind the leader. At the end of the round, Tiger is approached by a reporter and asked for a summary of the day's play.

Reporter: So Tiger, you are a long way back what do you think has been the reason for your troubles today, especially in holding putts longer than 15ft?

Tiger Woods: The putts are not rolling and it's difficult on this course, because if you go past you may have a long 3/4 ft putt coming back, which is no fun at all. I think tomorrow I need to shoot a 65 or so to get back in contention come Sunday afternoon.

Saturday Evening - after 54 holes - Tiger Woods - shoots a 66 to end the day in 2nd place at -6. TIED with the leader.

Sunday Afternoon: Tiger, takes to the course for the final round, in his customery red shirt 'winning shirt'.

Tiger, rolls in a 30ft putt at the last hole to win, by one stroke over journeyman pro, Bart Bryant.

Sunday Evening:

Reporter: Congratulations Tiger on winning your 3rd tournament of the year, 7th title out of your last 8 tournaments. What has been the secret to your fantastic start to the season. And how have you managed to turn things round from a position of 20th place on Friday?

Tiger Woods: On Friday night, wifey returned from a trip away, we got down to business and I had something to eat. Does your wife taste nice, after you not seen her for few days?

Reporter: Well to tell you the truth, in our 22 years of marriage I consider those things to be off limits.

Tiger Woods: What are you talking about Willis? Eating wifey, is the number one ingredient to better golf, holding your putts and getting off the golf course as quick as possible.

Reporter: So, would you throw all the golfing manuals away and just encourage golfer's to go down on their girlfriends and wives?

Tiger Woods: No doubt about that. It keeps the head in line, which helps when you putt and the fact you are eager as a beaver, to go home and entertain, which in turn means less shots. Simple really. No manuals or those rip-off teaching aids.

Reporter: Well thanks Tiger for your frank and personal interview, which no doubt has laid to rest the theory that practise makes perfect.

Tiger Woods: That's OK. If we could all just get a little taste, the world would be a better more harmonious world.

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