Monday, November 5, 2007

European skinning up championship

European skinning up championship

I have to share this with you as it was not recorded on Eurosport or Sky Sports Interational. Last night in Smokey's coffee shop, there were six of us sitting on sofas, chatting football, life and who prefer's G-String over thong. The kind of intellectual conversations, one has under the influence of 'Bob'. After we got tired of playing childish games one of the guys realised that we were all from different countries and challegened everyone to see which country could put a spliff together the quickest. As Pierre was at the table and he was from Lyon in France, I couldn't claim France, so I claimed to be from the Faroe Islands. One little thing about me. If I am in Europe, unless someone knows me from creation, I try to deflect that I am from England. Of course it's difficult and people do eventually find out, but I try not to be labled 'UK'. Anyway, the participants were as follows:

England - yeah I had to take it.

I raised an objection about the Polish guy, as I have yet to see ample proof that they have any quality weed in Warsaw and if they do, they need to advertise that on the internet and let RyanAir start do cheap flights. Other than that the rules were simple. We were all to have our ingridents on the table in front of us and when a designated person said pulaya (apparently start in some language) we were to proceed and put together a spliff in the quickest way possible.

Now I had already been in the company of two of these guys and was about to ask them if they wanted me to skin up for them as they were taking so long, if we had not been joined by the others. So I knew I did not have much to worry about there. I forsaw the problems lay with the French brey and the Pole. I'd only had a couple since I'd arrived so I was was quite calm and chilled. A person was chosen to commence, changing the word from pulaya to a simple start, After 2 1/2 minutes I had put my spliff together and was searching for a lighter. I looked up, to see the Dutch guy emptying his cigarette onto the table mixing the weed in and then putting it all back together again. What is that all about? Try doing that on Railton road, and someone would be gone with your rizla's before you had a chance to say roach. The German man, was still crumbling with one of those grinders they have. As for Mr Poland. All I can say is that it will be a time before hordes of black man will be seen in Katowice. He had put all his stuff together and then realised he had put it back to front so had to unravel, and got lost. As a european building initiative, I completed it for him. As for the Spanish and Dutch guys, suffice to say they are nothing like their football teams. There was no flair or artistic panache with the rizla papers. In fact the Spanish guy looked like an expert, licking his fingers and shaking his head from side to side, but when it came down to it, he was trying to build an hash spliff, but it kept crumbling all over the place. I was somewhat surprised by the Dutch guy, as he was at home. But sometimes home advantage has an added pressure and Hans seemed to suffer from that.

So at last England have won an internartional tournament, in something we can be proud of. A trophy spliff was presented by the barman which consisted of a mixture of columbian and morrocan hash. It's just a shame in this day and age this tournament was not televised for prosperity or youtube. Please use your vote to enforce the TV companies to record next month's event, which will be held in the Bulldog in Leidseiplein for any interested parties.


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