Titus, I have tried to support you as a fellow black brother, but man, you take the biscuit and leave yourself open to attack after attack after attack. Many times I have listened to Alan Shearer debate you, and want to get up and kick Shearer in his one-medal ass, but it's hard to defend you when you make those school boy errors - ooops not school boy but nursery level errors on a weekly basis. I had little hope for you when you was at Newcastle and Sam 'the conman' arrived, but when you managed to team up with the other numpty 'The Hess' at Wigan, I was glad that your parents didn't have to throw pardner any longer and amazed that someone else wanted to take a chance on you. It shows there's hope for us mere mortals, over the age of 30+ , who are unable to read the game or keep up because we lack pace.
What I'd like to know is, how did you become a professional footballer and I didn't? (and the same applies to 'The Hess') You've been poor for the last few years and yet you attend training everyday and are always playing in the matches. If you are being paid more than £5 per week then I am asking my boss for a pay rise this afternoon.
I've watched you over many years and it's as though you cannot concentrate for a full 90 minutes. The latest blunder, where you failed to control a football my 5 year daughter would have no trouble dealing with, and allowed the Manchester City player to walk the ball in from ten yards. This happened in the first minute of the game. So what is going on in your head brother? Do you have marital problems or Baby Mother drama? Are you a weed addict like myself who happens to forget the basics of the job you're paid to do? Do you and Emile actually turn up to training or are you two in some sexual act with the wife of the manager? Should there be any Wigan fans reading this blog, how on earth do you compile a team with 'The Hess' and 'Brams' in the starting eleven? It's a bit like playing 5-a-side against 11 from Milan.
So fix up your game Titus and stop make those joke commentators on Match of the Day, run their mouth off at you. Adrian Childs (the large one with man breasts) said last week, after your latest blunder "If there was a DVD of Titus Bramble's mistakes, they would last more than 4 hours". Bro, even though I found that really funny and my belly is still hurting, it is your career that they are talking about not some player on dream team. Either start play football properly and do justice to your family or get vex and punch up Shearer for his racist and feisty comments.