News Review - April 4 2009

• MP Jacqui Smith found out her husband ordered porn via a hotel pay service and paid for it as expenses on their MP account. The furor was not so much of what was watched and whether Jacqui learn't something new, but that he had put it through the MP's accounts and was claiming the subscription (5.99 per night) as a tax avoidable expense. Nothing new in House of Commons or Parliament, what is surprising to myself and readers of tspoonfr, was not only that this story dominated the media for two whole days but that there are people who still pay for online porn. The readers at tspoonfr would like to take this opportunity to inform the 'unwise' that there are hundreds of quality such websites on the internet, ranging from the timed stuff right up to group action in swimming pools and my current favourite category 'Rubber & Bondage'. Send an email for no fee, no subscription, long version porn sites and save the money to take wifey for a Chinese.

• Jade Goody will be buried this week, after finally succumbing to her battle against cancer and leaving her two young boys, I hear some of you middle class people living in the Shires are wondering, what an earth this 'Chav' has done to warrant such extensive media coverage. The answer is nothing, but then again, Andy Warhol, devised that everyone is entitled to their 15 minutes of fame. Jade's only crime, other than her racists and idiotic comments in Big Brother, her failed hair salon business and the inability to find something constructive to do with her life, was she was slightly rounded, like a teletubbie. And what harm have the the Teleubbies ever brought to the nation?

• The G20 summit in Europe this week, brought Barak Obama into town to meet up with his similar European counter-parts and Queen Lizzie at Buck House. I'm sure that was the first time the Queen had been that close to a black man and not have to watch her handbag. Only a brother could have thought of an ipod as a gift, to give to the richest woman in the world. Liz on the other hand, had more trouble with the wandering hands of the Italian 'Don Berlussconni, who if pictures are to tell the real story - seems he was after a quick grope of her maj, before the real show piece started. All in good taste mind you, as this is a royal and political clan, who are more prone to sharing one another's wives and husbands than the Swingers club in Streatham High Street, being the Bingo Hall.

The 'Against Capitalistic' protest march would have gone unnoticed apart from the staged smashing of the RBS windows and riot police caught with ketchup, if it was not for an elderly gentleman who died hours after the event. When official footage was investigated they found out one of the policeman with truncheon had layed blows onto this unfortunate bystander only hours before. Oh dear, it looks like the keystone cops are back in the quadmire again.

• This week has seen the standard crazy gunman, running amok in the US. In four separate incidents, where a lone gunman randomly opened up and massacred his victims, up to 28 people lost their lives in the country where you have the right to own a gun. I wonder how many more innocent lives are lost or blamed on the Muslim fundamentalists or the Mexican's from across the border, before the USA take stock and repent the evil and barbaric gun laws. Young children in Primary school can see a definite link between these laws and the 'John Wayne' attitude it's government tends to portray around the globe..

• More than 150,000 school children in England unable to read and write at age 11

I have been calling for an end to this archaic schooling system for as long as I can remember. Anyone who knows me personally will also be aware I not only believe school in the UK is flawed, unaccountable teachers and a governing body more out of touch with reality than Michael Jackson. My philosophy is to teach your child two years above their current age. So for example your 6 year old should be reading, writing and performing maths at an age equivalent to that of an 8 year old. And if you need to know where to go and perform specific tests for YOUR child, then the BBC educational website is as good a place to start as any. An uneducated child has profound repercussions on society, as we are seeing today and us black people must take responsibility for our children's education in as much the same way as the Indian, Hindu's at el.

Boris Johnson - What a numpty. No other comment than maybe knobhead.

Not that we are counting but Britney Spears has been the number one female to be photographed the most number of times out of the house without underwear. if anyone would like in to give the exact count, we will send them a bottle of "Lambrusco" curtsy of tspoonfr.


tspoonfr