Sunday, January 20, 2008

A word or two on Gareth Southgate

Like many of you with nothing to do at work, wondering why at 11am you have three windows open displaying porn content I want to take your mind off female upskirt and hidden camera sections for a moment and show why Gareth Southgate is like the Britney Spears of the premiership.

When your team is playing attractive football and you have no worries you then cast a beading eye in the direction of the other so called clubs, who's feable attempt to dethrone your precious team is more akin to French & Saunders and comedy than sport. There are many teams which fall into this category, Bolton, Newcastle, Sunderland, Reading and Middlesborough. Out of these, I have to say Boro are the worst team I have ever seen posses a place in top flight football. Just what is the purpose of that club and how does Gareth Southgate manage to hold onto that job regardless of the most boring football you are to witness, where people understand the rules?

Admitingly he is not the only one, but Mafia Don, Sam Allardyce has gone. It only leaves Gary Megson at Bolton and Southgate as managers who have no idea what is going on in their own kitchen never mind at a football club. I was always dubious to the smug Southgate when Ian spoke about him in his autobiography years ago dispelling the myth that he Southgate is a model professional and has been known to indulge or two in the odd Kieron Dyer/Marcus Bent video camera escapades. When he was appointed manager there was a furore over the fact that he had no managerial qualifications yet had been appointed while others, with a different skin colour were treated with not so much as an interview or reply letter. He is now in his second season playing dire-fall-asleep-football. What was mystfying was when McClown lost his job I saw Southgate's name mentioned as a possible replacement. This is the same McClown who a year before his appointment as England Manager, a fan ran onto the pitch while he was oooops let me see, MIDDLESBOROUGH manager and tore up his season ticket in front on the dugout. The cynics in you will point out that it has something to do with the water in the North East, that none of the three clubs are performing well this season. That may be true, added to the fact that it's cold for black people who know better. Those three teams are unlikely attratct the likes of Emile Heskey, Jason Roberts or even Titus Bramble, never mind Samuel Eto and Kaka. Rumour throughout the barbershops has it that Geremi 's transfer from Chesea to Newcastle included 6 free flights back to Cameroon a month, a house each for all 27 family members and an iphone thrown in. Andy Cole has not gone to Sunderland to score goals. You get my point? So I for one understand managing a team up there is not easy, but I'm sure eskimo's would have acclimatised better than Southgate has and would have been able to get a team of penguins and seals to perform better than he has over the past 18 months.

As for the three North East teams, Keano is not going until he is ready to walk the dog again, and should Sunderland survive this season, I forsee Keane trying to take Sunderland to the next level and challenge for a place in Europe. I have already mentioned that Don Allodino has been found out that he was always crap and sacked in his role (whatever that was) He now has time to devout to running errands for 'Arry at Portsmouth, where they had a good thing going until Allodino invited youtube into his house and exposed 'The Don'. Hopefeully this feud can be healed, as the lives of thousands of black people in Africa are dependant on these two drafting more microsoft word documents and using them as official contracts to submit to the F.A.

Are there no fans at Boro? What are the aspirations and goals for this club, who continue to be the hardest to spell but worth the most points in scrabble? What is the name of their home ground? Do they have any international players? My other option was to suggest reducing the premiership by one, but this would be infringement to european court of human something. Therefore this only leaves me to curse not-a-clue Gareth, who has proved to be more than unqualified for management. Yet he is allowed to continue to play robotic eleven a side something, all the while building a CV with the right credentials that may well take him to...oh no Liverpool.


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